As previously mentioned several times, I am a university student. Yes I will keep mentioning this because it’s my excuse for everything. I’m allowed to stay in bed all day because I’m a student. I’m allowed to leave the house in my pyjamas because I’m a student. I’m allowed to eat my leftover ‘Kebab Kid’ meal the morning after the night before and count it as a nutritious meal, because, you guessed it, I’m a student. (Not that I do any of these things of course; please stop pulling that face at me Mum.)
Anyway, being a student, I do have to do quite a bit of work from time to time. I might not advertise this on social networking sites at all, but that doesn’t mean I don’t do it. Seriously, could you imagine me sharing this beauty on facebook?
Exactly. I have more entertaining pictures to share. And they’re usually entertaining because the subject is drunk. Or the photographer is drunk. Or both. The point is, as I write this, there are 1,931 photographs of me on facebook, and not one of them has been taken in a library. But this doesn’t mean I don’t go there.
As an English student I have to read lots and lots and lots and lots and lots. And lots more. Recently, we had to read a poem by Samuel Taylor Coleridge called The Rime of the Ancyent Marinere. Gripping stuff. It’s basically about this sailor-dude who gets caught up in a storm, shoots an albatross and then lots of bad stuff happens to him, karma drama. We were asked to come up with another title for the poem in small groups, and whilst discussing key words in relation to this, all I heard was ‘windy albatross’. This really doesn’t provide an accurate heading to Coleridge’s poem, but I thought HEY! It sounds much more interesting! And so I took it upon myself to write it. It’s not quite Coleridge’s style, but I reckon he’d have liked it. And so I give you:
A prequel to Coleridge’s The Rime of the Ancyent Marinere
“The Windy Albatross.”
A ship once sailed far out to sea
Upon a lovely trip.
The sailors sang their songs of glee,
And had a skinny dip.
But they were spotted by the boss
Who banned them from the water.
When suddenly an albatross
Flew down and stole his daughter.
“Alas!” he cried, “there goes my girl!
She’s stolen by that bird!
Oh my! I think I need to hurl,
It needs to be deterred!”
“I’ll rescue her!” a small voice cried,
It was the Marinere.
“I plan to make that girl my bride,
And I’m no buccaneer!”
“Very well then” the boss agreed,
“As you seem bighearted.”
But as he went to do the deed,
The bird flew past and farted.
“Oh my!” the Marinere exclaimed,
“What is that putrid smell?!”
He then grabbed his crossbow and aimed-
“Be gone, foul bird! Farewell!”
But if you feel the need to know
The strange fate of this sailor,
Towards a poem you must go
By Coleridge, Samuel Taylor.