Filed under Funny Poems

Jack and Jill

Jack and Jill

Jack and Jill Went up a hill To photograph the view. Jill preferred nature Over portraiture, Which Jack had taken to. While Jill admired trees And the crisp autumn breeze, Jack was not quite as elated. He was hardly in awe Of the things that they saw, So he just became very frustrated. Jack felt … Continue reading

Humpty Dumpty

Humpty Dumpty

Humpty Dumpty sat on a fence. Humpty Dumpty felt rather tense. Humpty didn’t like making decisions So he stayed in the middle with balanced precision. Humpty was asked if he’d ever get down, To which he responded with a deep frown. “You, my friend, may well be agile, But I am feeling rather fragile.” The … Continue reading

Onwards

Onwards

I thought it might hurt, but it doesn’t. I’m surprised by how little I care. I thought I’d be gutted and nosey and lost But really I’m just laissez-faire. I write poems to log my emotions But I’m not really sure how I feel, I’m just happy that I’m not as sad as I thought … Continue reading

Mary, Mary…

Mary, Mary…

“Mary Mary quite contrary, How does your garden grow?” “I live in a flat, so don’t be a prat, You know all of my flowers are faux.”

Decisions

Decisions

I’m in a sticky situation, And I can’t make up my mind. Which of these paths I should take, And which to leave behind. The one in front’s attractive, But so’s the one at the back. And what one may have plenty of, The other one might lack. I’m not sure I’m quite ready To … Continue reading

Silly Silly Instagram

Silly Silly Instagram

It’s a difficult world we live in; We’re surrounded by so many lies, And we use the technology we’re given To constantly compare our lives. If I stalk my own online presence, Then I’m rather surprised to see, That my life seems much more than pleasant, And in fact, I’m jealous of me. So remember … Continue reading

The Perils of the Jobless Woman

The Perils of the Jobless Woman

“WOE IS ME” I gasp and sigh, Hitting “send” on the job application, Proud that my CV contains not one lie, Not any false representation. I’m rather appalled to hear That I’m seen as a lady of leisure – As I don’t spend my days as a sightseer, Or browsing the shops for lost treasure. … Continue reading

#LoveIsland

#LoveIsland

It is that time of year again: We can’t make plans past 9pm. Our TV’s on, we’re eagerly waiting, Ready to watch some chaotic dating. The sun is out, the turtles are awkward, Coupling up is never straightforward, Their hair is perfect, their stomachs are flat, (But you can’t trust a guy with abs like … Continue reading

Roses & Realisation

Roses & Realisation

Roses are red, Sunflowers are yellow. You came across As a charming fellow. Your gestures were grand, Your sweet-talk was slick, But I finally see now, You’re a bit of a pri  –  mative human being.

To My Dear Prince Harry

To My Dear Prince Harry

If ever two were one, then surely we. But woe, your life has been bereft of me. Miss Markle sadly somehow took my place, Before you got to see my splendid face. You’ve always been, by far, my favourite ginge, (Although at times your actions make me cringe) But now that even Sheeran is engaged, … Continue reading