Summer Body

The fitness blogs demand –
It’s time to achieve your ultimate dream:
Be terrifically toned and tanned!

A calorie controlled diet,
Is the secret to my success.
But isn’t life depressing enough
Without having to ingest less?

I frown sadly at my muffin top
Escaping from my jeans.
I may only be one cupcake away
From bursting at the seams.

A spare tyre should be helpful,
And I’ve got more than one,
So why must we live in such a cruel world,
Where these tyres are frowned upon?

I know I need to deflate it
To happily wear a bikini
But I also want some garlic bread
With my chilli prawn linguine.

“You are what you eat” apparently,
So I need to eat someone thinner.
Perhaps they’ll be an alternative
To my usual Sunday dinner?

I’ll follow them up with dessert, of course,
As it’s good to have something sweet,
And without a slice of red velvet cake,
My life would be incomplete!

Dieting is depressing,
And life’s too short, I’m sure.
So sod it, I’ll just eat whatever I want
And attempt to exercise more!

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