I wandered lonely as a cloud
(That’s gained a little fluff this year)
And slowly walked up to the crowd,
Who smiled and said “Hello my dear!”
With shining eyes and laughs so hearty,
They were the life of the family party.
Although they clearly meant no harm,
Their idle chatter I did dread,
For after the initial charm,
Came some questions that hurt my head.
No they didn’t give me a timed exam,
But asked instead: “Have you no young man?”
Eyes sank below their puzzled brows
When I awkwardly answered “no”.
For being so far from marriage vows
Was clearly an issue that filled them with woe.
Escaping, I even heard one of them say;
“Good grief! Do you think – that she might be gay?”
Back home I went (yes on my own)
To ponder their interrogation.
I opened Tinder on my phone
And started to practice a little flirtation.
Perhaps it’s worth another chance,
If I could potentially find Romance?
Very little time had passed
Until I did recall
Why my swiping didn’t last
On my previous Tinder trawl –
For no more proof’s needed that girls are from Venus,
Than an unwarranted picture of one martian’s penis…
So the next time I’m given the third degree,
As to why I’m not doing much dating,
I’ll hand over my phone so my relatives can see
The lovely young men who seem focused on mating.
Perhaps once they’ve witnessed this delightful chap’s dingle,
They too will agree – it’s not bad being single…