The Virus

Can someone please explain to me,
Exactly what’s occurring?
Someone said the world’s gone mad
And I find myself concurring.

It’s like our planet stalled and crashed,
But it’s driving me insane.
If it functioned like a laptop
I’d turn it off and on again.

Much like my old computer,
The whole world’s been infected
With a slightly scary virus,
And it’s left us disconnected.

No-one knows quite what to do,
Except, of course, to panic.
Forget all rational thinking –
Instead we’ll all go manic.

The news is full of depression and dread,
And I wish it would just bugger off.
It’s making us all flinch nervously
Every time somebody coughs.

And as for the state of the supermarkets,
I can’t fathom this kind of caper.
Why the hell are we having fights
Over rolls of toilet paper?

Thank goodness for quilted Andrex
Keeping my bum squeaky clean,
‘Cause I’m sure that that’s the answer
To defeating Covid-19…

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