Please note: This is an ongoing battle with ethics and morals, and thus may be added to at any time.
1. Ok Tinder, let’s do this.
2. Excellent idea.
3. What should I put in my bio?
4. I’d better point out how tall I am, this is a very important factor in match-making as I need to find someone who doesn’t make me look like the BFG.
5. Does this profile pic say “Naturally pretty, fashionable, intelligent, independent, reasonable baker and general philanthropist” all at the same time?
6. Actually I’ll go for this one. My hair looks fit.
7. Stuff this, let’s start browsing the MEN!
8. What am I doing.
9. This was an awful idea…
10. I’m embarrassed for myself.
11. Ooh but HELLO CUTIE!
12. Tall, dark, handsome, and pics with his mum? Swipy righty!
13. OMG WE’RE A MATCH!
14. I can’t breathe.
16. Not going to be the first to say hi, I need a man who’ll make the effort.
17. He’s taking his time.
18. I might as well keep browsing while I wait.
19. Gym pic? Swipe left.
20. Rubbish hair, left.
21. Got the same name as my ex, left.
22. Got the same name as my Dad, left.
23. I like his outfit, let’s have a closer look…
24. Oh no, this is a guy who’d spend longer in front of the mirror than me. LEFT!
25. Receding hairline…
26. Wait. I’m disgusted with how shallow I am, what have I become?!
27. Let’s have a closer look at R.H’s profile.
28. He hasn’t written anything. LEFT.
29. Too many tattoos, left.
30. Ridiculous hat, left.
31. Why would such a big man have such a small bag? Left…
32. This picture was definitely taken in the 70s… Left…
33. That is most definitely a mugshot. I’m all for living dangerously, but I’d like to think that the love of my life is not an ex-convict. Left.
34. Oh look another man on a ski-holiday. I’ve never been skiing, but if it’s anything like ice skating, I know it would be disastrous.
35. That said, he looks quite nice, maybe he could teach me?
36. Wait. It says he’s 109km away. This is no good.
37. Are all the men this far away?
38. Oh wait, I was meant to change this in my settings.
39. Let’s go for guys within 30km. This is far more manageable.
40. Bye bye ski guy…
41. WHY DO ALL THESE MEN HAVE THE SAME NAME AS MY EX
42. Is it bad that I’m more attracted to his glass of wine?
43. I can’t see your face.
44. You don’t look old enough to be on tinder…
44. That’s because you’re not old enough to be on tinder.
45. I don’t like this any more.
46. You don’t have much hair do you…
47. He looks like he could be shorter than me. Is it acceptable to ask him how tall he is?
To be continued…