Filed under Funny Poems

The Perils of the Jobless Woman

The Perils of the Jobless Woman

“WOE IS ME” I gasp and sigh, Hitting “send” on the job application, Proud that my CV contains not one lie, Not any false representation. I’m rather appalled to hear That I’m seen as a lady of leisure – As I don’t spend my days as a sightseer, Or browsing the shops for lost treasure. … Continue reading

#LoveIsland

#LoveIsland

It is that time of year again: We can’t make plans past 9pm. Our TV’s on, we’re eagerly waiting, Ready to watch some chaotic dating. The sun is out, the turtles are awkward, Coupling up is never straightforward, Their hair is perfect, their stomachs are flat, (But you can’t trust a guy with abs like … Continue reading

Roses & Realisation

Roses & Realisation

Roses are red, Sunflowers are yellow. You came across As a charming fellow. Your gestures were grand, Your sweet-talk was slick, But I finally see now, You’re a bit of a pri  –  mative human being.

To My Dear Prince Harry

To My Dear Prince Harry

If ever two were one, then surely we. But woe, your life has been bereft of me. Miss Markle sadly somehow took my place, Before you got to see my splendid face. You’ve always been, by far, my favourite ginge, (Although at times your actions make me cringe) But now that even Sheeran is engaged, … Continue reading

She Walks in Beauty

She Walks in Beauty

She walks in beauty, like the day Of pastel hues and balmy wind; But I have heard some people say That naturally she’s not soft-skinned; And ‘cause she wants to #hashtag “slay”, Countless selfies she’s already binned. One eyelash more, one blemish less, She photoshops and smooths her face, Thankful her hair is not a … Continue reading

The Bird and the Pussy-Cat

The Bird and the Pussy-Cat

The Bird and the Pussycat’s bright eyes met Through the towering pane of glass. Bird knew it was wrong, to pursue this love-song, But he thought he was pretty bad-ass. He fluttered his wings and puffed out his chest, And sang to the watching cat, “Oh pretty Pussy! You’re simply the best! Won’t you come … Continue reading

Family Gathering

Family Gathering

I wandered lonely as a cloud (That’s gained a little fluff this year) And slowly walked up to the crowd, Who smiled and said “Hello my dear!” With shining eyes and laughs so hearty, They were the life of the family party. Although they clearly meant no harm, Their idle chatter I did dread, For … Continue reading

Summer Body

Summer Body

“GET SUMMER BODY READY!” The fitness blogs demand – It’s time to achieve your ultimate dream: Be terrifically toned and tanned! A calorie controlled diet, Is the secret to my success. But isn’t life depressing enough Without having to ingest less? I frown sadly at my muffin top Escaping from my jeans. I may only … Continue reading

The Pickup Man

The Pickup Man

The wind was a torrent of darkness among the gusty trees. The sun was yet again hiding, amplifying the breeze. The road was a ribbon of tarmac that led through Cannock Chase, And the pickup man came driving – Driving – driving – The pickup man came driving, down to the Midland place. He’d a … Continue reading

British Summer

British Summer

“The poetry of earth is never dead.” A man (who now lies beneath it) said. I believe he was talking of nature’s song; An eclectic symphony that can’t go wrong. And yet still, he spoke of England. Our favourite subject is the weather; It’s a breeze that flows light as a feather. Only sometimes it … Continue reading