Filed under Funny Poems

She Walks in Beauty

She Walks in Beauty

She walks in beauty, like the day Of pastel hues and balmy wind; But I have heard some people say That naturally she’s not soft-skinned; And ‘cause she wants to #hashtag “slay”, Countless selfies she’s already binned. One eyelash more, one blemish less, She photoshops and smooths her face, Thankful her hair is not a … Continue reading

The Bird and the Pussy-Cat

The Bird and the Pussy-Cat

The Bird and the Pussycat’s bright eyes met Through the towering pane of glass. Bird knew it was wrong, to pursue this love-song, But he thought he was pretty bad-ass. He fluttered his wings and puffed out his chest, And sang to the watching cat, “Oh pretty Pussy! You’re simply the best! Won’t you come … Continue reading

Family Gathering

Family Gathering

I wandered lonely as a cloud (That’s gained a little fluff this year) And slowly walked up to the crowd, Who smiled and said “Hello my dear!” With shining eyes and laughs so hearty, They were the life of the family party. Although they clearly meant no harm, Their idle chatter I did dread, For … Continue reading

Summer Body

Summer Body

“GET SUMMER BODY READY!” The fitness blogs demand – It’s time to achieve your ultimate dream: Be terrifically toned and tanned! A calorie controlled diet, Is the secret to my success. But isn’t life depressing enough Without having to ingest less? I frown sadly at my muffin top Escaping from my jeans. I may only … Continue reading

The Pickup Man

The Pickup Man

The wind was a torrent of darkness among the gusty trees. The sun was yet again hiding, amplifying the breeze. The road was a ribbon of tarmac that led through Cannock Chase, And the pickup man came driving – Driving – driving – The pickup man came driving, down to the Midland place. He’d a … Continue reading

British Summer

British Summer

“The poetry of earth is never dead.” A man (who now lies beneath it) said. I believe he was talking of nature’s song; An eclectic symphony that can’t go wrong. And yet still, he spoke of England. Our favourite subject is the weather; It’s a breeze that flows light as a feather. Only sometimes it … Continue reading

Sharing

Sharing

“A joy that’s shared is a joy made double,” But over-sharing’s just asking for trouble. Sharing good news might not be a crime, But be more careful when you post online… How lovely to see someone else is engaged, Even though they are half of my age! Well can you believe it, the very next … Continue reading

Buses

Buses

On the rare occasion I travel by bus, The experience fills me with fear. It’s not that I’m scared of the vehicle itself – I’d just like to get that fact clear. No, it’s not getting stuck in the traffic, Though that can make it much worse, As the longer the journey I have to … Continue reading

Love

Love

‘Tis that treasured time of year When hearts and flowers do appear, Flooding displays all down the street, “Without Love, Life’s incomplete!” Without a partner, Feb is dreary (Though Pancake Day is mildly cheery), But is it better with a “bae”? Or is it still a pointless day? The Facebook posts are still too cheesy, … Continue reading

‘Twas the Week Before Summer

‘Twas the Week Before Summer

’Twas the week before Summer, and under the desk Hid an overworked teacher; her hair in a mess. She clutched her green pens and looked on weary-eyed: “Only eighty-three papers to go”, she sighed. Surrounded by paperwork she slowly drowned, But suddenly there was a nightmarish sound! From her skin she did jump, BANG! the … Continue reading